Sgt. Bilko

The filmmakers want to thank the U.S. Army for it's total lack of co-operation in making this movie.

"I only regret that I have but one life to lose for my country."
-Nathan Hale

"I have not yet begun to fight."
-John Paul Jones

"Old soldiers never die, they just fade away."
-General Douglas MacArthur

"Twenty bucks I can hit the parking lot."
-Sgt. Ernie Bilko

It's been said that there's no sure thing in life, except death and taxes. You can now add a third item to that list: whatever Ernie Bilko is betting on.

Steve Martin stars as the quintessential, silver-tongued con man, Master Sergeant Ernie Bilko, in Sgt. Bilko, which co-stars Dan Aykroyd, Phil Hartman and Glenne Headly.

Ernie Bilko is in charge of the Ft. Baxter motor pool. That he has the unique distinction of never having looked beneath the hood of a car is completely beside the point. His skills simply lie elsewhere, such as being able to smell money hidden in the brim of a cap at 100 paces. If he has discovered that renting out Army Humvee vehicles is a far more profitable use of one's time, who's to say he's wrong?

The bottom line is that Bilko believes deep in his soul that the U.S. Army is comprised of hard-working men and women who have earned a diversion from their patriotic labors. (Place hand over heart.) He has merely made it his personal responsibility to offer them recreation -- along with many other items of valuable merchandise.

Under the not-so-watchful eye of the blissfully-confused Colonel Hall (Dan Aykroyd), Bilko is cruising along the motor pool highway to Easy Street until an old nemesis, Major Thom (Phil Hartman), arrives at Fort Baxter. Sent by the Pentagon to assess the dismal progress of a new weapon in development at the post, Thorn sets out to settle a 15-year score with Bilko.

Juggling that fine line between military regimen, the free- enterprise system and non-stop casino gambling -- all the while fending for his life with Thom -- is challenge enough for any man. For Bilko, it's all complicated further by finding his relationship at a crossroads with his long-suffering girlfriend Rita Robbins (Glenne Headly), who has been stood up at the altar once too often. Though her wedding dress is falling apart from wear, Rita is nonetheless Bilko's near-match in determination.